


Drowning

by PocketofPersons



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Drowning, Like so much angst, M/M, im so sorry except not really, survivor's guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 15:37:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2197236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PocketofPersons/pseuds/PocketofPersons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only time Jean talks to Marco is in his dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> To really get the full effect you should really listen to The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us! by Sufjan Stevens. Blame this song for starting it all.

It's warm out, almost unbearably so. Jean and Marco find solace under a tree near the river that leads out of town and down to the main city. Their pants are damp from wading through the cool waters, their faces red from all of the exposure to the sun's unforgiving rays.

 

“As soon as I finish helping my mom get her life together, I'm outta here.” Jean laughs, his head tilting back until it meets with the trunk of the tree. “I'm going to the city and I'm going to find myself an amazing job with awesome pay. I'll live in this house with my beautiful wife and three- no- four kids. Of course before I get a family started you're gonna live with me. It'll be our bachelor pad.” He looks over at Marco, then, his grin so wide it almost hurts.

 

This earns a laugh from Marco. “Are you really sure you want me to be in your bachelor pad? How long do you plan on waiting for a wife, huh?” He nudges Jean in the side, obviously teasing him. “I think I may only hurt your chances of finding one.”

 

Jean sits up straight as his grin fades, his expression suddenly serious. “Uh, of course I'm sure. You're my best friend, dude. And I don't wanna be all gushy, but you're stuck with me for life whether you like it or not.” Suddenly, a sadness begins to bloom in the pit of his stomach. He tries to push it down. “We will tear up that city, you and I. Partners in crime or whatever.” The feeling spreads up to his chest and out through his arms. He aches. “You're my best friend.” He tries again.

 

Marco leans his head against the tree. “I know.” He whispers. There's a certain weight to his words, and Jean realizes they aren't talking about their friendship anymore.

 

He feels his eyes begin to prick with the onset of tears. “I'm sorry.” He's not sure for what, but he is. He's so sorry and his body is aching so much he isn't sure he's going to be able to move, even as the river begins to overflow.

 

“You didn't know.” Marco whispers. “ _I_ didn't know.” He turns his head to look at Jean with a blank stare, and Jean can barely stand it. Marco shouldn't look like... like that.

 

He doesn't know what their talking about anymore, but he knows what he needs to say next. “I should have been there. I should have seen.” The tears are falling now, and he begins to tremble. “I failed.”

 

Marco grips both sides of Jean's face, emotion back in his eyes. “You weren't, though. I forgive you.” He begins to kiss the tears off of Jean's cheeks, his chin, and his lips. Jean grips Marco's wrists so tightly he feels as though they should have broken.

 

The water rises to their waists, and somehow Jean knows he's running out of time.

 

“Please.” He begs, moving out of Marco's grip. He needs Marco back but he doesn't know why because he is right there, hands dipping into the water around them.

 

“I can't.” Marco whispers. “I'm sorry.”

 

Desperation takes over. Jean needs to do something, anything. Marco is his best friend and he needs to do something to save him from whatever is happening at this moment. “You have to try!” He pleads, hands gripping onto Marco's shoulders.

 

Marco looks up from the water. “I am. I'm sorry.”

 

Jean wants to throttle him. “Stop apologizing and try!” He shouts, and the water is suddenly up to their necks. “Marco!” His voice cracks, and Marco leans forward to rest his forehead against Jean's. Jean wants to say more, but finds that the words won't come. They're trapped in his throat and it burns and he wants it to be over.

 

“Jean-”

 

* * *

 

 

Jean's eyes open and he shoots straight up. He's panting, his sheets are covered in sweat. His lungs are burning, as though he'd been holding his breath for too long.

 

When he swings his legs over the side of the bed, his head spins. Above him, Jaeger snores and mutters to himself. He rubs at his eyes with the heel of his hands and stands up.

 

He plays what he remembers over in his head twice. After all, the only time he can talk to Marco is in his dreams.

 

Next to him is Marco's unoccupied bed. He climbs into it and envelops himself into a cocoon. The bed stopped smelling like Marco a while ago, but it's the only thing Jean has left. Somehow, it helps the intensity of the guilt subside.

 

And in the morning, if anyone notices Jean there, they don't say anything about it.

**Author's Note:**

> This thing hasn't been edited at all, really. It's just something that came to me out of no where and I felt the overwhelming need to write it down so I didn't suffer with it alone.
> 
>  
> 
> If you want more sad stuff-- I mean, puppies and dumb videos and jeanmarco-- then go ahead and follow me on Tumblr~ functual.tumblr.com


End file.
